I need a manual.
7:16 p.m. - 2006-06-29

How do you people with more than one kid manage?

Hell, for that matter, how does anyone with ONE kid manage?

I mean, seriously. I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom, thinking that it would be the best thing for my daughter, my marriage, my life in general. But honestly? I feel like I'm teetering about an inch away from totally batshit-crazy ninety percent of the time.

I can't even keep my house clean. The wee one is crawling now--no, seriously, CRAWLING LIKE A SPEED DEMON--and she's all over the damn place. What with the fucked-up foot and all, she could probably beat me in a race. And since she's also pulling up, there's little to be done with all the shit that accumulates on surface areas. My house looks like a tornado hit it, and THERE ARE ONLY TWO PEOPLE LIVING HERE. And one isn't even a year old.

A friend mentioned baby-proofing to me the other day, and I was all, "Huh? Baby proofing? Hang on, I have to unwrap the computer cords from around the baby's neck."

You think I'm kidding. She's trying to pull the keyboard off the desk as I type this.

The floors are gross, and she puts EV.ERY.THING. in her mouth, so I'm constantly running behind her trying to scoop up errant change, bugs, and misplaced flip flops.

Today I caught her a split second before she plummeted to her death head-first out of the baby swing. I'd put her there for just a moment, and being the dumbass I am, didn't think to put the little tray thing on or strap her in securely. It's nothing short of a miracle that she didn't break her neck.

And let's not go into how she BUSTED HER LIP on the coffee table this morning and OH MY GOD, BLOOD! She's fine now, thanks for asking. In fact, she's trying to puncture my knee with her teeth, so I think it's time to go.

Also, I smell poop. GAH. Time for the billionth diaper change of the day.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.