If only life had a pause button.
6:14 p.m. - 2006-04-03

Before I had Ali, I scoured Amazon for a good baby book, because I wanted to be able to record every one of her firsts. I was certain that the book would be filled to the brim with meaningful dates and times, thoughtful little notes about her growth and changes, and significant details that I didn't want to risk forgetting.

I got the book, and though I've done a fair job of jotting stuff down, there's so much that I haven't been able to capture. The place beside "stands with support" is blank, as is "sits up," because I have no earthly idea when either of those things happened. She's still not sitting completely on her own, so I guess there's hope for that one, but she's been standing with help for a LONG time. I keep flipping by the spot that I'm supposed to record her bedtime rituals, but that always makes me feel like a terrible mother, because she doesn't really HAVE "rituals." I take her to bed with me, she nurses for awhile, and then she falls asleep. Sometimes I'll sing her a lullaby, or read a story, but neither of those things happen every night. I kind of feel like those are really important things that I ought to be doing, but I never seem to remember.

We had to take her to the doctor last Wednesday because she was running a fever, and she weighed 18 lbs. and some odd oz. How pathetic is that? I can't even remember her weight. The point is, my little girl just isn't so little anymore. The peach fuzz hair has been replaced by the real thing, and it's getting longer and thicker every single day. She's able to hold her upper body completely off the floor now, but she hasn't figured crawling out yet. She's rolling over every which way, and like I said earlier, she's able to sit up by herself for a good long while without tipping over.

She's really discovered her tongue in the last week or so, and she's constantly got her fingers in her mouth. If she's feeling particularly sweet, she'll grab your face with both hands and kiss all up and down your cheeks (though she's taken to licking), which is the most adorable thing in the world, albeit very slobbery. Her laugh is getting more and more pronounced, and varies depending on how amused she is. She's incredibly ticklish on her ribs and thighs, and she's probably going to end up with a weird tic because I can't keep my hands off her. (She already has one about her nose thanks to the snot sucker.)

The squeals that she's producing these days threaten to shatter glass, and she absolutely LOVES to make noise. She jabbers in the car, in front of the mirror, and she growls the whole time she's eating. She loves water, and can drink out of a regular cup with no problem at all.

Everyone who sees her remarks about what a happy baby she is, and it's true. She's constantly grinning, and those ear to ear smiles never fail to make me want to gobble her up. I feel like she's going to start teething soon, because for the past couple of days she's been rubbing her gums together. (So. cute. Especially when she makes the uhmmm-uhhmm sound while she does it.)

She'll be six months old on the 12th, and all of a sudden it's hit me that OH MY GOD, MY BABY IS GROWING UP TOO FAST.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.