It'd be different if it wasn't an ELECTIVE surgery...
4:38 p.m. - 2005-01-06

I'm trying hard not to be judgemental, but it's awfully hard.

My sister is having her tummy tucked and her ass lipoed today, and while I hope everything went well with the procedure, I can't help chalking up another "The bitch is Cuh-RAZY" mark on my tally sheet.

She's already had one tummy tuck and two liposuctions before--is this one really going to be the one that gives her the drastic change that she wants? Will she emerge from her bed a week from now looking like Jessica Simpson (or Britney Spears, since she actually ordered--AND WEARS--a gaudy-ass cubic zirconia replica of the bimbo's wedding ring?) Since I have absolutely no idea what the expected results from such procedures are, I can only guess as to what this is going to do to her body.

And it's not like the girl is even remotely bad-looking to begin with. Truth be told, she's actually a few pounds lighter than me anyway, but I can't fathom undergoing plastic surgery to make my ass smaller. My boobs are a different story, but that's because my back hurts all the goddamned time and I have indentations on my shoulders from toting these bowling balls around in my bra for the past 12 years. A breast reduction isn't out of the realm of possibility for me, but that would only happen after I've had my kid (singular, not plural). I'd be more than willing to go under the knife to slice these DDD's off my chest in favor of a set of perky, pointy, small nippled C's.

School is still sucking in a most unpleasant way, and it's sad that I'm actually beginning to look forward to having surgery myself. Not only because it means a week away from the heathens, but also because I'm ready to get rid of this "someone is gouging my abdomen out with a dull steak knife" sensation that I've been dealing with for the past few months.

Alan and I are getting along, thank the Universe. I decided to make an attempt to be less of a flaming, raging, pissed-off bitch, and it seems to be working. In return, he's been surprisingly lenient on me about the state of the house (catastrophic) and keeps insinuating that he really wants to hire someone to help out around here a couple of days a week. I'm still vehemently opposed to the idea, because dammit, it's just the two of us and logically we shouldn't have any trouble at all keeping the place in a state of semi cleanliness, but I think he's beginning to wear me down.

Other than the whole "I should be able to keep things orderly myself" attitude, there's also the issue of having someone putzing around in my home while I'm not here, and I'm really just not comfortable with the idea. Doesn't matter if that someone is a close friend who is currently unemployed or a professional. The other alternative would be for me to be here while the actual cleaning was taking place, and the thought of that squicks me out as well. 'Cause, you know, if I'm here and someone else is cleaning, then I need to be cleaning too.

Which reminds me...I need to try and get a few loads of laundry done tonight, lest the two of us be forced to go to work naked tomorrow. Wish me luck.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.