7:47 p.m. - 2005-07-08

Sorry for disappearing and leaving that awful, negative entry up for so long. It's been kind of rough going here lately, so when I was given an opportunity to get away for a few days, I went for it. Packed my bags, hopped in the car with B., and both boys and I headed off for the Arkansas border.

It wasn't all that fun, and I was bored half out of my mind, but at least I got away from here. I was beginning to feel trapped and stifled, and that generally ends up in a lot of bad behavior on my part. Thankfully, I think I caught it just in time.

I got back yesterday evening after a three and a half hour drive. I'm still feeling pretty proud of myself for making it home unscathed, because we all know that my driving record isn't so hot. I didn't even get lost, though. The return trip went much better than expected.

Had a doctor's appointment this morning to get screened for gestational diabetes. I won't find out the results until Tuesday, but I feel pretty confident that everything's okay. I was thrilled to learn that my placental troubles seem to be clearing up on their own (!!), my blood pressure is normal, the baby looks great, and I'm measuring perfectly on target for 24 weeks. Plus, she's officially reached viability, so there's a good chance she'd make it if born anytime from here on out. Of course, I want her to stay right where she is until it's time for us to meet her, but I'm glad to know that the doctors would try to save her now.

The good news just keeps coming. I told the new doctor about the stresses of my job, and he agreed that it would be a good idea if I didn't go back at all. He's going to write me a prescription and letter that will put me on "home rest." This means that WE CAN KEEP THE INSURANCE! I'll even be getting a paycheck for those few months (though they'll only pay 60%, and I'll probably have to give the money back when I quit for good). It took every bit of restraint that I could muster to keep from hugging him. This doesn't solve all our problems, but it drastically reduces them. There hasn't been a day go by that I haven't worried about how we're going to afford this baby, and most of those fears were about not being able to keep the insurance. This sounds like a near-perfect plan, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it works out in the best possible way.

Seems that someone or something out there has been listening to my cries for help. Thanks for throwing me a lifeline, Universe. I really appreciate it.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.