Oh, Baby
5:07 p.m. - 2005-02-24

I knew something was up.

A couple of days ago, I took an at-home pregnancy test at 5:30 a.m. In my early morning stupor, I tried to decide whether or not that was actually a faint line in the indicator box. I woke Alan up and held the stick under his face.

"Do you see a line?"


"Look closer. See that? There. Is that a line?"

"Doesn't look like a line to me."

So I went on about my usual business for the rest of the day, trying not to think too hard about the possibility. Surely it couldn't have happened so soon; I just had the D&C a month ago!

I gave it a couple of days, and this afternoon I decided to buy one of those new digital read-out tests. Came home, read the directions, and peed on the stick. Twenty seconds later, I had the result.


Despite my swearing that I wouldn't tell anyone for at least three months (because of last time, you know), I grabbed the phone and called Alan. I'd envisioned a much more romantic setting--candlelight, a gift with the test enclosed, a nice supper with the table set for three--but we all know that I'm far too spontaneous for that.

He didn't believe me. It took three times of me swearing that I was telling the truth for him to believe it, but I think I finally convinced him. I wonder what he's feeling right now...I imagine it's something between utter shock and elation, somewhere between glee and being scared out of his wits. Or maybe I'm just superimposing my feelings on to him, because that's exactly the way I'm feeling.

Next call was to one of my best friends (CD). (There goes the "not telling anyone part.") She's been dying for me to get pregnant for awhile now, and I knew she'd be elated to hear the news. She was, of course, and instructed me to stop smoking (I'm going to, definitely, though it's gonna be tough) and not to stress.

Then I called my doctor's office and scheduled the next available appointment--March 7, at 1:30 p.m.--so that I can do whatever they do on the first visit. This is where ya'll come in. What do I need to expect for this visit? (I'm going to be asking a LOT of questions of the D-land community for awhile, I suspect.)

Since I was already on a phoning spree, I called my mom, my dad, and Wade. They're all ecstatic.

So, what about me? I'm nervous. More than a little scared, to tell the truth, since the miscarriage was so hard on me. But I'm optimistic and excited at the same time...for some reason it feels different. No nagging feelings of something being wrong, no warning signs yet. I don't want to get my hopes up too soon, of course, but I think this may be the one.

Now for more questions. What do I do? Where do I start? Do I tell the doctor everything that I've been taking unprescribed nerve pills on a fairly regular basis? Should I go into detail about the fact that my stress level at work is through the roof? Do I need to go ahead and start with the over the counter pre-natal vitamins that I already have, or should I wait until I get a script from him? I have so much that I'm worried about, but I'm optimistic.

I already have visions of booties and nurseries running through my head. I'm going to be a basketcase for the next nine months.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.