Uncertainties
7:37 p.m. - 2003-02-21
Friday evening...
School went rather well today. I only had ten kids in the class again--the others were still in ISS (in school suspension)--and that helps matters greatly.
About thirty minutes before the last bell rang the principal came into my classroom and asked me to meet with her after school was out. I was a little worried...what had my kids done now? Had the rest of the teachers been complaining that I yell constantly? Was there a disgruntled parent accusing me of mistreating their child in some way? The imagination goes wild at the prospect of a meeting with a superior. For me, anyway.
So after my last kid had made their way safely to the bus, I met the assistant principal in the hall. She escorted me to the conference room, where the other principal was waiting. (By now I was getting a definite case of sweaty palms.) They asked me to sit down, and told me that they wanted me to meet someone who had an "offer" for me. Multiply confusion with interest and subtract two parts of worry at this point. At least now I realized that I wasn't in trouble.
After a minute an elderly black man in professional dress enters the room. I am introduced to him, and he begins to tell me about the community's pre-G.E.D. program that is in its foundling stage. The program is intended for kids sixteen and older who are struggling in schoool (i.e., can't seem to get out of the eighth or ninth grades) that would probably be better suited to get their General Equivalency Diploma and head on out into the work force. I nod accordingly--it sounds like a good program--but what does it have to do with me? Ahh...we're getting to that.
See, the program has been established for awhile, but it is "floundering," as one of my principals put it. After many meetings with the school board and the educators involved, it was decided that what was most needed was a complete overhaul and revamping of the program. They have decided that the kids need to be taught English/Writing and computer skills in the mornings, and that they need to find "jobs" to work at in the afternoons to gain experience. But in order for that to happen, there needs to be a teacher/monitor that is equipped to handle it. This is where I come in. It seems that my name kept popping up during the course of all these meetings and conferences. After all, I am a recent college graduate who has a decent amount of experience with computers. I was a Communication major, and I just left a job in Advertising/P.R. Plus, I grew up here, so I know all the locals (including the business owners). Add into the equation that my father owns his own business in town, and you've pretty much got the problem solved. At least these three people seem to think so.
Except...I'm not so sure about it. I mean, I'm just now getting to know my third graders. I grow more attached to them every day. I'm learning their personalities, and their strengths and weaknesses. The IOWA test (that essentially determines whether or not they move on to the fourth grade) is in EIGHT days. I JUST got my classroom set up the way I want it. My kids are progressing by leaps and bounds...a lot of them have pulled F's up to B's. I'm PROUD of that. I don't want to let them down. I just don't think I want to take the job.
But, of course, I told them I would. Or maybe I said that I'd think about it. I don't really remember, because it was all too much too fast. Now I'm stuck trying to figure out what I need to do. What I WANT to do. I don't like being in this position! So why is it that I find myself in it time and time again?
Advice would be much appreciated.