A Lifetime Ago...
11:56 p.m. - 2009-12-23

Good God Almighty. Has it really been nearly two and a half years since I wrote here? Have I really had another child, a child that is about to turn two years old, a little boy so different from his sister that it boggles my mind?

So, so many things happen in a timespan like this. I honestly didn't even realize that Diaryland still EXISTED. I just happened by on a whim, wondering if it was still here. I really want to go back and read my older entries, to catologue and save them to have forever. I spent so much of my life in this place...learned so much about myself, and I don't want it to be all for naught.

I haven't completely given up writing, but it is far more sporadic these days. I've had what many would call a "Spiritual Re-Awakening" this year, in which I fully immersed myself in the Metaphysical, began casting spells and mixing potions again, and it was WONDERFUL. And yet...and yet. I've been warned by my parents--my PARENTS--that if I don't stop it that my children and I will be cut out of their lives forever, that I will never receive a penny of their money again as long as I live, and so I've basically gone into hiding.

So many stories to tell, so little time to do it in. I suppose there is time, and now that I've remembered that I have a place, I suppose I can begin to tell them.

Things would have been fine if I hadn't begun a Youtube channel--if I'd have kept my face and voice off the computer, and stuck to writing. But I love Youtube and the community I found there--I love the support and friendship I gained through being welcomed into other people's lives, having discussions with them, sharing parts of myself that I'd never really felt comfortable talking about to anyone in real life before. I was stupid and naive to think that I wouldn't be found out--in a town this small, the people have nothing better to do than look for someone to burn at the stake. And oh, I've been burned. A few years ago I would say that it was irreparable damage, but now...not so much. I honestly don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me, but I DO want to be included in the will, however awful that may sound. And I don't want my parents to cut themselves out of my life.

But as I said, there are so many things that have happened that I can't begin to go into them all here, at this moment. I need to be in bed. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I want to make the most of it for this little family I've created.

More soon...not that anyone reads this anymore--who would, after this long? But perhaps I've come full circle, and maybe beginning to write again will help me. It sure as hell has never hurt in the least.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.