Exhaustion
10:09 a.m. - 2003-04-10

*YAWN*

That's all I've been doing all morning. There's a certain point when exhaustion sets in and you can no longer keep your eyes open, regardless of how hard you try to. I think I'm almost there. I keep dozing off in the middle of class, and it really isn't helping to set a good example for the boyz (who prefer sleeping over working ANY day). Maybe I'm narcoleptic. More likely, I'm just not getting enough sleep.

But I went to bed around 11:00 last night, and I didn't manage to crawl out of it until after 7 this morning. That's eight hours of sleep! Shouldn't that be enough? What the hell is wrong with me?

A. keeps saying that I'm pregnant. It's very possible, but I seriously hope that I'm not. I just don't think we're financially ready for a baby yet. (And with entries like yesterday's, we may not be emotionally ready for one either!)

Problem is, I wouldn't know if I were pregnant or not, because I haven't kept track of my cycles in years. I just always relied on birth control...I knew that the Wednesday after my last regular pill I would start my period. And that was almost always the case. Sometimes I wouldn't start until Thursday or Friday, and I'd be a basketcase. (I think I might be one of the few people in the world who could literally worry themself to death.) But I've been off the pill for about 4 months now. No, there's no good reason, just that I haven't felt like going to the doctor. Nor have I felt like paying $40.00 a month for birth control. As you already know, my insurance situation is screwy right now, and I don't have the funds to pay for another doctor visit. (My freakin' Zoloft was $80 for the month! It's insane, I tell you.)

*Sigh*

Well, we're about to venture out into the gym so I can freeze my ass off whilst the boyz play basketball. At least I have a good book to read. A nap on the bleachers might not be totally out of the question, though...;-)

Love,

A.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.

feeling:
hopeful