Draining Days
10:42 a.m. - 2005-03-17

It's taking every bit of effort that I have to pull myself out of bed in the mornings. I'm loathing my job in a way that I didn't know was possible, and every evening I have to fight off the urge to call a sub for the next day.

And for once, the problem really isn't the administration. Here lately it's been the kids themselves that are driving me nuts. They're rude, disrespectful, uncooperative, and unruly. I'm tired of yelling and fussing all day long, and the fact that this is State Testing week doesn't help matters at all. I haven't even had a chance to go to the bathroom during school hours, and that's hellaciously hard considering I'm pregnant. I worry what the constant stress and aggravation is doing to the baby, and I can't help thinking that if I were a few more months along, the only thing this child would know about me is that I yell an awful lot.

I have another doctor's appointment on Monday, and I'm looking forward to seeing the baby again. More than anything, I just want to make sure that everything's progressing normally, though I'm pretty confident that it is. We're out of school next Friday and the following week, and I'm ecstatic. This year really can't be over soon enough for me. I'm still trying to figure out what I need to do next fall. I know that I should go ahead and come back to be certain that the insurance will cover everything, but I really, really don't want to. I'd almost prefer that the doctor put me on bed rest for the last three or so months--but I KNOW I don't want that to happen. We'll have to examine all of our options over the summer and see what we come up with.

On a less serious note, I absolutely despise the mouse that came with my new classroom computer. It's highly sensitive (like me these days) and has some weird little buttons on the side that make the screen go back if you happen to bump them. It's aggravating enough when I'm just reading something, and it's all out infuriating when I'm in the middle of typing (like with an entry a few minutes ago).

It's almost lunch time. Only four more hours until I'm rid of the heathens. Hallelujah!

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.

feeling:
hopeful