Change in Mood
5:32 p.m. - 2003-04-07
Maybe daylight savings time isn't so bad. I like the long afternoons.
I fully intended to make this an "Ugh, I had such a terrible day" entry, but now I'm not sure I want to.
Suffice it to say that I had a meeting this morning, it didn't go well, and I've come to the conclusion that these people really don't seem to understand. But, don't dare try to point any of their mistakes out. In any case, I have to start keeping track of what I'm doing every hour. This is going to be very difficult. This is not a "scheduled" environment. It's more of a give/take situation. I realize the predicament these kids are in. Sure, so-and-so has talked to them once or twice, but I'm with them everyday. And I'm more like their friend than their teacher. I prefer it that way. I'm not a hardass, I'm not a bitch. But, evidently, I'm going to have to start being more strict. (Which is ridiculous in itself, because they're gonna do what they damn well want to, regardless. At least they're respectful about it. They don't get mad, or cuss me, or intimidate me at all. They're decent kids. I'm doing all I can (with what I've been given) and then some. Yuck. I'm tired of talking about it, now.
I went to see my grandmother this afternoon--it was work related in a way--in the nursing home. I carried all these pretty little presents for her...a cross with beads and glass hanging down, a little Yankee candle (and it turns out she can't burn them), a pretty little blue satin pillow with chiffon edging that had "Angels Reside Here" on it. Oh, and a little stained glass angel holding a heart. It was good...and after leaving, I couldn't decide if I wanted to smile or break down into tears. To see that place...to see how old people can get...to have to smile and speak to every one you passed because they're so lonely...or crazy, or whatever...
My grandmother is developing Alzheimer's I think. She seriously didn't know who I was when I walked in. She knew she was happy to see me, (duh..I had PRESENTS), she knew I was someone she knew very well, but she didn't know who I was. That's a very sad feeling, guys. She eventually understood that I was A., not L., and then she was REALLY excited. So she opened her gifts, we talked for awhile. In the midst of conversation, the food there came up. She told me, "there's nothing good to say about it." Hey, Mammaw, I understand. I eat school cafeteria lunches. So I offered to go home and fix her some of the peas (purple hull, for any of you southerners out there)and stewed potatoes we made last night. And I sliced her a big tomato, and some thick-ass onion slices. (The woman LOVES raw onion. It's weird, but she does.) I then gave specific instructions to the staff that the peas/potatoes be heated, and that the onion/tomato not. (I hope they listened...I put instructions on a piece of paper with her name and room # on it. I'm anal like that.)
Well, I believe that's enough for one day.
Love and light,