A Little Scare
3:17 p.m. - 2005-04-20

I wasn't as freaked out as I thought I'd be when I saw blood on the toilet paper this morning. (Don't worry, this story doesn't end badly.)

In fact, if I hadn't mentioned it in passing to a coworker, I probably wouldn't have gone to the doctor at all. After all, last time it happened (at 8 weeks) they told me that all I could do was wait it out and see what happened. I figured that this time it would be more of the same, so I didn't plan to call.

Thankfully, other people had different ideas about the situation, so the doctor was phoned. No one was in (it was 7:30 a.m.), but the answering service promised that someone would call me back in twenty minutes. I sat at my desk and waited while another teacher went to retrieve my class from morning assembly.

The phone rang twenty five minutes later. They wanted me at the office at 8:30, which was completely impossible since school is an hour and a half away from my doctor's office. I told them I'd be there as soon as I could.

I really didn't expect to be told to come in. I figured that they'd tell me to watch the bleeding and come in if it got any worse. I was happy that the new doctor seemed to be more concerned about me than the guy I've been seeing, but also a little worried that something might actually be wrong. I knew that there was no way I'd be able to find a substitute that quickly, and I really wasn't sure what I was going to do. Since I couldn't seem to get my mind in clear working order, I decided to walk to the gym where the assembly was going on and get someone else's perspective.

It only took a minute for me to realize that I was either going to get my ass out of that school and on the way to the clinic or someone was going to do it for me. When I told my friends that the doctor wanted me to come in as soon as possible, both of them ordered me out of the building. My protests about not having anyone to fill in for me fell on completely deaf ears. "Who cares? You. Just. Leave." they told me, loud enough for everyone (including Bitchiton) to hear.

After checking out and making the thirty minute drive home to pick up my mother, we arrived at the doctor's office around 9:30. I didn't have to wait long to be called back to the ultrasound room, and it only took a second after the gel was applied to my stomach for my little film star to pop up on the screen.

Everything looked fine on the ultrasound. The placenta looked fine, there was good fetal movement and a strong, steady heartrate, which was really all I was concerned about. I got two more pictures for the album, and the nurse said she couldn't see any reason for the bleeding. The doctor did a pelvic exam and found an infection (yeast or bacterial--are they the same thing?), though, so I have some cream to apply every night at bedtime. He mentioned that my cervix was pretty inflamed and started to bleed as soon as he touched it. Knowing that there's something amiss inside isn't fun(especially since I've never had any problems like this before), but I'm really comforted to know that the baby seems fine and I'm out of my first trimester.

I had every intention of going back to work tomorrow, but T. called a few minutes ago and told me that I needed to rest and that like it or not, she was getting me a substitute tomorrow. I protested a little, but truthfully didn't have it in me to put up much of a fight. Her logic makes sense. I started to ask the doctor if I could take off tomorrow anyway, but figured that it would be more trouble than it was worth. Since she volunteered to get things together for me and take care of all the planning, I won't worry about it. I know that it'll mean a docked paycheck, but that doesn't matter much anymore. I've had a headache since Monday, and wasn't particularly looking forward to dealing with the stress of my classroom tomorrow.

And now, because I've seen this a few places today...

If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.