Baby on the Brain
5:58 p.m. - 2005-03-13

I've been taking the hormones for five days now, and if my crazy mood swings are any indication, they're definitely working.

After a lot of reading and researching the subject, I have to say that I find it kind of strange that they put me on oral hormones. Every article written states that the most common method of treating my symptoms are vaginal suppositories, but I'm still popping my two pills every night like a good little girl. I'm putting more faith in this doctor than he's really worthy of, but hopefully it'll pay off. My head and back are aching, my boobs have swollen up, I'm starving 24-7, and I've been nasueous for three days straight (finally threw up all over the carpet this morning--I couldn't make it to the bathroom or out of the door), so I don't have any doubt that I'm still pregnant. I've actually been sleeping through the night since starting the pills, and whether that's a side-effect or not, I'm thrilled to have the alarm wake me up instead of just watching the numbers change from 3 AM on.

My dear, sweet, wonderful grandmother brought me a pot of potato soup and a bunch of maternity clothes today. I'm not quite ready for the clothes, but the soup was delicious. I imagine that I'll be pulling on the elastic waisted jeans and capris in another month or so, and the t-shirts will probably go into regular rotation sooner than that. My tops are already gaping at the buttons and feeling too short, so it'll be nice to wear something that covers my stomach. I'll do my best to embrace my body once I actually start to look pregnant, but right now I just appear to be gaining weight, and it's not at all flattering.

Alan's been working his ass off all day out in the yard, and now he's folding socks. He's been doing everything he can to pacify and take care of me for the past few days--not surprising, since I've been acting like a lunatic--and I really appreciate his efforts. I cried for an hour and a half the other night because something was wrong with Lily's eye; I was SURE that she was going to lose it. (The vet said it was just a little scratch, and it's already healed.) Regular, everyday comments about the house being messy or the dishes needing to be washed have caused me to flip out. This is not normal behavior for me, and I'm beginning to understand why pregnant women have such a bad rap.

Time to find something for supper and take a shower.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.