A Little Scare
3:52 p.m. - 2005-03-01

As he drove me home from school today, Alan commented, "You're going to have a difficult pregnancy." In fear that his prediction might be accurate, I shushed him immediately, and I'm desperartely trying not to worry about things. Yes, I did almost pass out three or four times during class today, and yes, I have had cramps off and on all day, but every article I've found on pregnancy says that those are normal occurrences. So I'm not freaking out. Yet. People around me did freak out, however, and arranged for a substitute for the rest of the afternoon. I came home and rested, and though the twinges in my stomach are still there, I don't think they're necessarily dangerous. Uncomfortable and a bit unnerving, perhaps, but seemingly okay. There isn't any bleeding, and I pray that none decides to show up.

He also asked me what I'd do if "something happened," to which I replied, "What do you mean, what would I do? I'd be heartbroken. Again." But would I want to try again, or just go on birth control? Honestly, I couldn't even believe that he asked me that. Of course we'd try again. And again, if we have to. I guess we'd keep on trying until we had a baby or my heart couldn't take it anymore.

But I'm not going to think like that. Everything is going to be okay, and come late October, we'll have a beautiful baby to brag about. I just have to quit stressing about everything. My job is just a job, after all, and regardless of how the kids wear on my nerves, I get to be rid of them at 3:00 every day. Come May I'll be rid of them for three whole months! I haven't decided yet how I need to handle going back to work, especially since I don't WANT to go back at all, and the question of insurance is weighing heavily on my mind. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see how everything plays out.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.