Chill in the Air
6:54 p.m. - 2004-10-05

My dear little on-line diary...I've been neglecting you.

There's been so much going on lately--SO much--but I haven't really been in a "share it with the entire world and any random Googlers who happen to pop in for a look" mood. Instead, I've kept it all inside my head, filed away for future reference, way back in the dark, cobwebby corners of my brain where I have to go searching for it to find it.

I've been reading other's journals, though. Keeping tabs on those on my buddy list and perusing new reads to keep from thinking too much. Worrying too much. I look forward to coming home every day, if only because I get to catch up on what's going on in your lives.

I'm not trying to live vicariously through anyone, but sometimes it's much more comforting to read about what's going wrong (or right) in your worlds than really focusing on my own.

That's pretty fucking sad, isn't it?

However, since there are a few people who read this every once in a while, I suppose it's only fair that I give you some indication of the happenings here at the Dreamer household.

First and foremost, there's stress. Nothing new to me, and nothing that anyone else doesn't deal with on a daily basis. Jobs. Finances. Bills. Family drama. Illnesses. Addictions. Worrying--LOTS of worrying--about all of the previously mentioned shit, and about the people I love.

We're in the process of trying to get all our debts together so that we can borrow the money to pay them off. It's embarassing, and frustrating, and when I start adding up the figures, I'm astounded at how much we owe. Between credit cards (EVIL) and car notes, we're way on up there in the double digits. More than I ever, EVER thought I'd owe anyone, and more than we'd possibly be able to pay off ourselves in a lifetime.

Even more shamefully, I'm having to ask my father for the money. He's definitely selling the store, and graciously offered to give us the money as compensation for Alan giving up his old job to help him try and sustain the business. I'm grateful that he's helping us get out of the hole, but fear that it's just one more thing for him to hold over my head for the rest of my life.

Yeah, Alan's inevitably going to be unemployed for a little while. I don't doubt that he'll be able to find something else pretty easily, but I have a feeling it's going to be something that keeps him away from home for weeks at a time. He swears that he's going to do whatever he can to keep that from happening, but I have my doubts.

My brother seems to be doing much better, thankfully. He's gained a lot of weight back, and actually got off his ass and found a job. A good job. I hope like hell he doesn't screw it up.

My sister (still seems so weird to say that) has been in contact with me almost every day, and we're getting along quite well. I'm slowly but surely becoming more accustomed to the idea, and I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

I'm not going to start in about school today, because I'm tired of talking about it. It consumes nearly every waking minute of my day, and since I didn't bring home anything to work on tonight, I'm doing my best to keep from thinking about it.

Now it's time to get started on supper, watch a little television, take a much needed shower, and get clothes ready for tomorrow. The weather is finally changing a little, and I'm grateful for the slightly cooler weather. I'm so looking forward to the first real cold snap...I'm ready to drag out the sweaters and long sleeves.

And...that's all for now.

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I am: so very many things. A mother, a wife, a dreamer, a lover of animals and babies, a friend. I've been called a bitch, but if that's what you call someone who stands up for what they believe in and refuses to settle, then I guess the title fits.

loves: my family, horses, a full night's sleep, puppy breath, my daughter's laughter, thunderstorms, bubble baths, makeup, soft sheets, David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs, wine, massages, the written word, and sour straws.

dislikes: closed minds, depression, pimples, extreme heat, math, panic attacks, black licorice, doing laundry, white chocolate, gin, Bush.